Baby Blues

Did you know that 80% of women experience the baby blues during the first few days/weeks of motherhood? I didn’t, and I completely underestimated just how bad it could be. The blues knocked me on my butt. I was indecisive, anxious, constantly swinging from elation to despair, and struggled to sleep. And oh! The crying! I cried more than the baby almost every day, and some days it felt like all I did was cry. I felt crushed by all this new responsibility, all the learning I have to do, and all the struggles we are working through. I felt guilty for not being a cheerful ball of happiness, for crying when C just wouldn’t or couldn’t figure out how to latch properly, for supplementing with formula, for not knowing how to read C’s cues, for leaning on A heavily. Guilty, guilty, guilty.

I don’t say this to scare anyone; I just want to be honest about what these first few weeks have been like. I was aware of PPD, but the idea of the baby blues was a little foreign to me, and what I did know did not come close to the reality of what I felt. The fear, anxiety, tension, and sadness were overwhelming, and then I would feel guilty that I was “wasting” these early days on being a basketcase.

I am so grateful to have great support people in my life who reassured me and supported me through this struggle. We celebrate the small victories – a trip to the grocery store, no tears when Adam leaves for work, keeping up (or catching up!) on household chores, a walk around the neighbourhood – because when I look back over a few days or a week, the small victories combine to show major progress. Although there are still days that feel like one step forward and two steps back (like the day I got barfed and peed on within five minutes!), every day is a little bit easier.


5 thoughts on “Baby Blues

  1. Ohhhh muffin. You are a brave lady.
    I’m so glad I got to see you (and meet C, sort of!) before I take off.
    Do what is right for you and for A and for C and for YOU.

  2. I hope that just writing these things out are a help to you of sorts, and knowing that we are all behind you and sending you so much love and support (even from afar). For someone who is nowhere near the babymaking stage (although C is seriously doing something to my insides), I’m glad you are blogging the ups, and the downs – being realistic about how hard it is (rather than all the doves and roses that so many people say it is). I can’t imagine how much your world has turned completely upside down, but I know you and A will be doing a wonderful job as brand spanking new parents. Thinking of you guys xx

Whisper a Sweet Nothin'

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